Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize