I wanna bring you to show and tell
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
