nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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