I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
