but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It's never too late to be topless.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
