New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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