i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
