Your dad touched me again.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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