Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
