I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize