You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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