your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
