Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
