How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
