Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
