He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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