i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
