I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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