sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
