with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
