i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
