seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I think people are normalizing furries
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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