im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
