She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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