just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
