i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
