Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
