My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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