it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
