Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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