man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
