If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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