Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
