I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
