Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
