I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
