have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
