I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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