no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
