Barsexuality is the new black.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
