I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
