And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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