No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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