Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
