ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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