Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
