I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
