So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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