its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
