Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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