at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
