Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
