dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
