Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
