Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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