Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
