now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
