i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
