Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
