Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
