We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize