Don't you send me to vm
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
