Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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