wat bout pragnant strippers??
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
