Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
