That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
