He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
