He is an equal opportunity slut.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Randomize
