I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
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