Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Welp...herpes.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize