I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
